What if
by vampireloveaffair17
Summary: My "what if" about New Moon. What if Edward couldn't leave?
1. Chapter 1

This is my take on how I desired new moon to go. I wouldn't have written the story if there was not a burning desire in me to write it down. :) enjoy

Page 70 New Moon

"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."

-authors analogy- hehe sorry that was just a short bit to refresh your memory where we exactly are in this point of this story.

I stared down at the ground refusing for a mere moment to let him see how this was affecting me. My eyes were nearly holding back the now overflowing brim of moisture. He continued as if he didn't even care.

"You're not good for me Bella." He spoke desolately.

Silence. The only sound I was sure that we both could detect was the fast thumping in my chest and shallow fast breath.

I knew he was waiting for a response. I could tell that much. At the moment though, I was completely incapable of speech all together. My head spun at a sickening speed and as it did, it seemed to get lighter.

Edward. I could only hope he would hear me. Edward no stay. Please stay. Stay.

I didn't see my self fall; I could only feel the sharp impact as my body hit the ground. Before I could feel pain, there was nothing. Darkness clouded my vision and I lost all sense.

_Edward_, was my first thought as I neared consciousness. My heart gave an unfriendly lurch in my chest. Where was he? Did he really leave? Was it all I dream?

I kept my eyes shut so that maybe if I did open them and he wasn't there I could still have false hope. Something in me told me to open my eyes. So I did.

The next thing I did and saw triggered a series of events. First, I saw Edwards pale beautiful face crumpled in pain hovering over mine. His eyes, if it were possible, would be dripping tears down his cheeks. Second, I saw that I was not alone. I quickly took in my surroundings and conclusion that Edward brought me to see Carlisle-the natural response for him. And finally, third, I could feel unconsciousness tugging at the corners of my brain. The fuzzy feeling made my eye lids droop and before I could allow myself to pass out I brushed my hand over Edwards face. Using the air I had left, I managed to whisper "I love you." before the darkness once again took over.


	2. Chapter 2

Bella

Darkness was evident in my mental state the only sign of hope of meaning was Edward…. Edward.

I gasped. Now I remembered. He was going to leave me! No. I- I couldn't let him. I needed him. Did I love you mean but nothing to him? Did every touch we shared, every kiss, and every memory mean nothing?

I was a human, my downfall. I was weak, frail. I could never keep him here. I wasn't amazing like he was. In that moment, I knew I could never let him go. But what if he already left?

Edward gone.

My mind tortured me with the very thought. He left. All I could think was he was gone. I knew I was nothing for him. A memory flashed back into my head; a small sliver of light peaked and I saw it was a door.

I pulled back the thick wooden frame and saw both Edward and me curled up in my soft comforter. My chest rose and fell evenly as Edward's cheek rested on mine. I inched closer dying to hear the small murmurs of words he was whispering into my ear.

"It will kill me to leave." He sighed slowly and I saw a stretch of sadness in his eyes.

"I have to," he frowned, debating, "I have to for you, because I love you. I will leave to protect you—even if it kills me."

After he was done murmuring the words I must have, subconsciously, understood because a lone tear fell down my cheek rolling onto Edwards arm.

Horrified, Edward pulled back and stared at the small droplet of water now resting on his pale arm. He bent down and licked it away, pulling my face up to his and burying his face into my mess of half-damp half-dry hair.

My heart ached and I felt sick. But I was also faced with a dilemma. Did he mean what he said? If he did, then it was impossible to be true since the words he whispered to me not long ago, meant a completely different thing. _Maybe_…I thought wearily, maybe he changed his mind.

_It wouldn't be the first time_. Edward always tired to protect me. It would only make sense that now, during the time I would need him most, he would leave. Abandoned; I was abandoned.

A shudder went through me and I felt wetness starting to soak my cheeks. Instantly, I was flying backwards away from the darkness of my room and back into a much denser darkness. He was going to leave me, despite the tears and the pain that was evident.

I had to come to terms with a resolution I knew I couldn't deny. He was going to leave me.

HE didn't want ME. My heart felt worse now, a hot liquid acid started gnawing away at my heart, eroding it away in my chest until it was hollow. "Edward. Edward. No don't leave." I tried to scream.

I needed him. I needed him like I needed air. He couldn't just go away.

"DON'T LEAVE ME!" I screamed louder into the darkness. As I did my heart started to speed in my chest, thumping irregularly faster. Air seemed to be sucked out of the darkness leaving it a vacuum and leaving me, in turn, with nothing to breathe. I gasped like a fish out of water but I couldn't seem to find air. I kicked and screamed at the darkness but I could find no exit.

"Edward." Whisper's escaped my lips. "Edward…."

I let everything go, all thought, all meaning.

The darkness had won.

My heart was lost and I was dead.


	3. Chapter 3

Edward.

I was in a state of frantic frenzy. Bella. My sweet Bella. Dying, right in front of my eyes. I scooped her up into my arms. Her heartbeat was irregular and seeming to speed faster and faster. She gasped and I could see tears rolling down her cheeks fast. I had to save her. Damn. Carlisle left with Esme.

But as I neared the familiar house I could see his car parked outside and the lights shone like a sign of hope in the thick darkness of the canopy of trees. The door opened just as I approached it. Running full force into my house, a waiting hospital table was already set up. I glanced wearily at Carlisle who had already pre-prepped the equipment.

_Alice. _He thought.

_Ahh, _that would explain it. I should have figured she would have seen it before it happened. I sat Bella down on the table, not wanting to waste any time. Carlisle eyed Bella over for a moment and pressed his hand eagerly to her pulse points. His eyebrows rose significantly.

_Edward, what did you do to her? Her pulse is 160! _ Thankfully I had taken medical courses at various colleges to fill the spare time when I did not know Bella. I knew enough to know that 160 pulse was staggeringly high. Carlisle knew of, course there could be only two problems brought on by stress related symptoms. Mostly likely was anxiety attack, or, and I pleaded and begged for this not to come true, heart attack.

In either case, she could die. Carlisle grabbed the crash cart and rubbed the gel onto the paddles. _Remove her shirt. _

If anyone but Carlisle had asked me to do that, I never would have. I ripped off Bella's shirt exposing her…chest. My eyes glued to her perfect cleavage. I would have drooled if a vampire could. She was perfect, just like I imagined, only, somehow, better. I shook my head quickly and grabbed a medical dress. I supported her with one hand, careful with how I gripped her, and slid the dress onto her body with the other.

By now the machine was up and ready and Carlisle pushed in the numbers and rubbed the paddles together before pushing them onto Bella chest and sending the electricity into her chest.

The monitor Carlisle had set up showed little response. He tried again this time upping the dose. Barely any response showed. My mind whirled back to the last time Bella's life was in danger. Even though I knew I was the cause, partly for doing it, I did save her. She told me over and over again how _she _was the one who had gone to see him. She was the one who risked her life to save her mothers. Now, again, I was putting her into danger by leaving her. I was killing her. So, naturally, only I could save her. I needed Bella. I could not deny that. She was my gift. By leaving her, I would lose her. I just never thought it would be for forever.

I was kidding myself trying to leave. I needed to save her, now. I leaned down, stupidly, and pressed my lips to hers keeping them there. Her heart stuttered, slowed, and climbed back up.

I was afraid until I detected a rhythm I once knew. It was the rhythm Bella's heart made only for me. I smiled against her lips and I felt her hands wind against my hair keeping me there against her soft lips.


	4. Chapter 4

Bella.

I was in heaven. Edwards cool lips were gently pressed again mine. Funny even in heaven I could not compare to him. But somehow it didn't bother me. I was with him, and that was enough. I felt his smooth lips curl up in smile against mine. I ran my fingers through his hair and it felt silky, just like the real thing. I opened my eyes to find his open too. I smiled at the familiar honey golden eyes I loved.

"I knew you were my angle." I whispered softly.

He smiled breathtakingly at me. "I knew you would come back to me."

I smirked at him realizing something for the first time, "I told you there was a heaven."

He still smiled but his face held a look of confusion. "Bella we aren't dead," he corrected me.

I frowned, "Were not?" I tugged on his hair, "I'm with you, and you're with me. That's heaven to me."

He kissed me passionately pressing me against the cool hard metal of from what I could only guess was a operating table.

I pulled back fully remembering the past couple of events. I bit my lips afraid to ask.

"Bella?" Edward placed his hand under my chin bringing it in front of his face so he could look me in the eyes.

I didn't respond. Some part of me told me I was better off not knowing, but that small part was over-shadowed by the huge roaring of "FIND OUT".

"Um…" I began but didn't know how to go on.

Edward nodded reminding me he was still here, waiting.

I let my eyes droop down to my hospital gown, "Well, are you still going to leave me?' I whispered.

There was a long silent pause and I could hear his sharp intake of breath. I knew he was debating whether I was worth it. I knew I wasn't and he would leave again. I just wasn't that important.

I started to back away from him. My eyes were stinging with pain I didn't want to acknowledge but I knew full well was there. Just as I was about to get off of the gurtney Edward grabbed my arm not letting go. I looked into his eyes and gasped. They were black fire.

I was mad. He was going to leave me, easily too. Was I nothing to him? Anger flared in me.

"You were going to leave me!" I spit at him throwing my hands up away from him.

"Bella!" Edward yelled, after the shock subsided I saw that he was angry too, "How could believe it wasn't without sacrifice?"

"Why was it so easy then?"

Edward lowered his eyes. The anger had faded to sadness. "You believed me. You….you actually believe that…I didn't love you."

"Of course," I defended myself, "You are the only one who though me special enough to be with you. You were the only who could make me believe that you loved me."

His head shot back up the anger had reappeared, "Loved?"

"You don't anymore," I stated simply as if it didn't matter even though each word felt like a bullet, "I figured that much out."


	5. Chapter 5

He said nothing. Instead he just sat there, his eyes looking down casting lovely shadows on his face.

Pain rippled through my heart causing it to, once again, break.

"You…you don't…love…me do you?" each word was harder and harder to force out of my mouth.

Edwards head shot up and in his face I saw pain drenching every feature. My instinct reaction was to touch him, or at least to find someway to sooth his pain but I was the one in pain here, not him.

"You," he began his words sounded choked like he was too forcing himself to say the words, "Bella, you…you have to understand…"—

I cut him off, "Understand what? That I'm a frail human who cannot ever compare to you." I threw my hands up in frustration, "I always knew that Edward. I always knew that I could not, ever, be capable of comparing to you."

His eyes dropped from my face. Unconsciously, I shifted forward placing myself directly in front of him.

Despite everything, I needed to know. I _deserved_ to know. Careful of the wires, I leaned my hand out in the air, waiting for him.

Edwards face held confusion as he neared me. When he was close enough, I stretched and placed my hand on his cold, smooth, glass cheek. His eyes light up and I could see a familiar black spark fly through his eyes.

I leaned down and hesitated, unsure. Edward, always the gentlemen, met me before I had time to strain myself. His smooth lips met mine and I gasped at the feeling and the scent of him. He was, inexplicably, Edward. Mine. My heart ached at the thought that after, he may leave me. Afraid, I deepened the kiss locking my arms in Edwards's hair, begging him to stay _here_. Begging him to remember what this felt like.

He gasped against my lips and I pressed myself harder into his cold stone shape. Just then it occurred to me that I was naked except for a hospital gown. I let out a giggle that resulted in a growl from Edward. Not wanting him to pull away I attached my lips to his like a barnacle. I was very away that, at any moment, Edward could do one of two very painful things.

One, he could kill me.

Well this idea seemed relatively painful to consider I knew Edward would, never, do this.

And two, he could leave. Again.

My heart gave the same familiar lurch in my chest. He couldn't… I tried to defend the voice in my brain telling me otherwise. _He already tired to._ Ugh.

My heart froze and I realized I had forgotten to breathe. Just when I was about to take a breath I stopped myself. If he would leave, that would kill me. Why wait? My lungs began to burn for air and Edward, having realized my breathing pattern was not normal, pulled away. Fright shone in his eyes.

"Bella," Edward said dismissively as if it were just like any other time we were kissing and I forgot to, yet again, breathe. "Breathe."

I blinked my eyes, still holding my breath. I shook my head.

Edward's brow furrowed. "Breathe Bella." He ordered.

By now my lungs were screaming for air, I just shook my head and mouthed "you're" and "leaving me."

Edward growled and called for Carlisle. I frowned at him and still refused to take in air.

Carlisle appeared in the room within the time it took me to blink. One second he wasn't there and then, he was.

"Carlisle," Edward spoke quickly, "She's refusing to breathe."

Carlisle frowned at me. "Why?"

I looked over at Edward painfully and a tear dropped from my eye rolling down my cheek. Esme, within seconds, appeared at my side. Her beautiful face was crumpled in concern and pain.

"Bella," she murmured hastily, "Why?"

I repeated the gesture I did for Carlisle a moment ago and Esme understood. She frowned at Edward.

"I told you so." Esme scolded Edward.

Edward, not wanting to be rude to his mother, replied softly, "I had to try Esme."

By now small black dots were covering my vision and my heart was starting to slow. Death was nearing me.

Edward leapt up and grabbed my cheeks between his hands. His hands gripped my face before I could turn my gaze away and he leaned down towards my lips, "I…" kiss, "Will," kiss, "Always," kiss, "Love," kiss, "You," kiss and this time he held it.

My head told me not to trust him but my heart begged for nothing more. But despite the begging I still wasn't sure. I pulled away and gasped for air. The black dots slowly faded away and my breathing became normal.

"You aren't going to leave?" I whispered.

He shook his head and looked down.

"Edward!" I yelled.

Esme hugged my shoulder and turned to leave. "Esme." I called.

She turned facing me. "Yes?"

"Don't…go." I pleaded.

Concern touched her eyes and I knew she was debating just like Edward was. Only I knew her motherly concern was far much stronger. Motherly concern won because she came and wrapped me in her stone, cold, arms.

I turned my face into her shoulder and wept while she stroked my hair soothingly.

"I'm so sorry Bella," she murmured into my ear.

"Esme," I whispered painfully, "Don't leave me. You're the only mom I have here. I need you as Edward and Alice and everyone else needs you." I sniffled but continued. "You're my mom. It will kill me if you left me too."

She froze for a moment before she whispered, "Oh Bella."

I broke down and sobbed knowing, still, she would not stay. I had to try. I had to keep my family together. A gush of wind blew through the room and I felt someone standing before me.

Through my blurry vision, no thanks to the tears, I could make out Edwards face. His eyes held concern and something else but my vision was too deformed to really tell.

"Bella," He whispered. "We need to talk…"

**AN: Bad me(: Sorry for the Cliff but hey what can I say it took forever to decide how I want the plot to continue. Review (; **


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Okayyy so basically I had two ways to make this go… **

**One… *sniff sniff* he leaves. Two he stays *yayyyyy* but somehow I have to coordinate the volturi and Laurent's and Victoria's death in the story…. Hmmm… review for ideas (: **

Edwards golden eyes seemed to burn holes into mine.

"Okay." I began unsure, "But I'm not going out in the forest and if," I shot a glare at him, "You think you're going to tell me your leaving, you had best think twice."

Edward sighed, "Bella I have to."

I frowned at him. "Have to what—Leave? No actually you don't _have to do_ anything." I snapped, "You're choosing too."

Edward's face crumpled as he considered what I said to him. "You need to be safe. And I constitute a risk."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What about Victoria and Laurent?"

"They can be taken care of."

I lifted an eye brow to him. "Have they been taken care of yet?"

He growled when he realized what I was getting at.

I heard Emmett's loud voice boom through the walls of the house, "They can be taken care of Bella."

A wicked smile crossed my face as I considered a plan. They could be easily dealt with… _after _they were in sight.

Edward sensed I was thinking something and he decided to comment, "Whatever you're thinking of," he tried to persuade me, "It won't work."

I frowned at him, "Why not?"

He smiled at me, "Alice."

I smiled back at him, "Alice can only see things that are decided," I reminded him.

He groaned. "Bella I have to go."

By the tone in his voice I knew he was serious. Franticly, I looked over to Esme, who was still stroking me comfortingly. Pain shot through my veins like ice water.

"Please," I begged to her. Tears, were, once again filling my eyes. "Don't…don't go." I cried.

Her beautiful face crumpled in pain as she took in the look on my face.

She looked over to Edward and suddenly Carlisle sprang into the room next to where Esme stood and I sat.

"Edward," Carlisle acknowledged his favorite son, "Esme and I agree." He paused once again to look into Esme's eyes. She nodded to him and he turned back to face Edward.

"You're staying. Or—"he paused, "At least _we_ are."

Edward growled at him. "Dad, Bella is in danger with me here"—

Carlisle cut him off, "Edward, please consider that if you did leave. She would be at a higher risk. You would not be here to protect her from Victoria or Laurent. "

Edwards face held pain from being scolded. He looked back to my tear-streaked face and with a sigh he knelt down next to me on the metal operating table. He moaned in defeat pressing his head against my knees. I leaned down and ran my fingers through his hair with my free hand while the other squeezed Esme's rock hard skin. She looked down and hugged me tight enough so that it didn't hurt. "I will be right downstairs Bella." She sang into my ear.

I looked at her warily, "Promise?" I whispered.

She laughed at me kindly and kissed my cheek before flitting out of the room.

I turned my attention back to Edwards's hair and continued running my fingers through his hair.

"I knew you loved me." I murmured into the silence.

Having heard my statement Edwards head shot up and he looked at me his eyes were blazing. He opened his mouth to say something but shut it after a fresh tear sprang from my eye. His eyes cooled and I saw sadness fill the hollow depths.

Placing my hand under his chin I applied gentle pressure so he knew to raise his head so I didn't break my hand trying. I started into his eyes.

"I knew you always loved me," I repeated, "But..." I choked, "I… I never thought y-you'd leave m-me." I managed to gasp them out through strangled sobs.

Edward looked as if it were possible for vampires to cry he would be drenched in his tears. "It was only for you." He murmured.

"Promise me." I pleaded. "Promise me you will stay." I lifted my hand out in the space between were he and I.

Edward stepped closer and took my hand in his. I smiled at the refreshing coolness of his skin against mine. He bent down so that his face was next to my ear and whispered, "I can't."

He kissed my cheek before I could protest.

I opened my eyes to find him gone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: This is just a "for fun" chapter. I wrote specifically for the reader's enjoyment. This is strictly what I would have loved to have had happen. :D I might post more if I get a good response *ahem reviews* And I might incorporate it into the story. :O *gasp* ;) **

Time.

It seems so infantine but then reality comes crashing back down. It was just a fleeting thing—time. One moment Edward was there, his smooth glassy lips numbing the hot skin on my cheeks. I can still smell his scent and in that moment it seemed like time froze.

Edward was still frozen to my cheek. I pulled away and saw his lips didn't leave the space where my cheek was supposed to be. Strange, but I dismissed it. I got up off of the table and moved to the door that faced a long corridor. Turning the knob on the door I saw Carlisle and Esme embraced outside there bedroom door. Esme's head was tucked inside Carlisle's neck. His arms wound around her back in a gesture that was pure comfort.

Guilt flooded me. I had made Esme very upset. But, then again, I didn't lie to her. I needed her. When I realized they were all going to leave me, I knew I would lose every one of them—my family.

One moment they would be there, smiling, reassuring me, and then the next moment — poof gone.

I made my way past them and down the long decent of stairs. After the million stairs I saw Jasper and Alice on the long sofa in the family room. Alice's eyes were upward as if she could see directly through the ceiling. I moved closer and knew I needed her to know I loved her. My hand brushed her cheek. I saw her frame shudder and ripple. It was almost like I had touched water.

Her eyes fluttered violently and she gasped. Her head snapped up to mine and she took in our surroundings. Alice's eyes grew wide when she saw no one was moving.

"Alice," I whispered, "I know this is confusing." Boy was that an understatement. "But I need you to chill for a second and not freak out okay?"

Alice nodded her head at me and held her tongue.

"I don't know how this is happening but I'm thankful." I sighed, "I believe time is giving me a chance to say my_… goodbyes_." I chocked out the last word.

I could see Alice's eyes fill with sadness.

"Would you really leave me this easily?" My eyes filled with tears.

Alice looked like she would cry. "Oh, Bella Edward made me. I would never leave you purposely."

"But you're going to." I whispered.

She frowned at me. "It is for the best."

"Alice." I sighed, "Is it really? Leaving me here—is that really going to solve anything?"

She considered that for a moment.

"Did you realize what you would be doing to me?" I whispered painfully. "Me, Alice," I repeated, "Your sister. Did you realize how much I would hurt when you leave me?"

She sprang up from the couch and hugged me tightly, "Bella please don't make me feel bad."

"I'm sorry…But Alice…"I buried my face into her pixie like hair, "_I _need you."

Her grip tightened on me slightly. "Promise me Alice," I begged her, "Promise me you will come back for me."

She pulled back to study me tear-streaked face. Her eyes looked deeply into mine and I knew she could see the mess I was becoming just from this.

"Alice," I whispered her name again, "I won't recover from this."

She started to protest but I cut her off, "I won't."

I stared her dead in the eye.

"Edward, Alice to me, he's Jasper to you. Could you live without Jasper for the rest of your life?"

Alice's eyebrows puckered upwards and I knew she would feel what I was now feeling.

She sighed, "No, but Bella what will it matter if I can come back or not?"

"You promised me something once." I murmured to her, "You promised me you considered changing me yourself when we were in the hotel in Phoenix."

She eyed me like I was insane.

I reminded her, "You would be able to buy me shopping clothes for the rest of my life and drag me out whenever you wanted a weekend getaway for shopping."

Her face twisted in debate. "You make a good argument."

I smiled, "I love you and I want to stay in this life. Alice you guys are my family. If you leave who do I have? No one. Alice I will be all alone when Charlie dies. I will always remember Edward and I will never find anyone else to love."

She looked me in the eye for a long time. Finally she spoke, "Give me a minuet." And she sat back down next to the frozen Jasper.

Alice kept switching her gaze from me to Jasper back and forth and the finally she sighed and stood back up.

"I will come back." She stated desolately. "Not for a while though, I don't want Edward to get suspicious; maybe, two weeks — a month at most."

"You will?" Hope rose in my dead chest.

She nodded, and I could have sworn I saw a tear welling in her eye.

I hugged her for what seemed like days before we finally broke apart.

"Where will you be?" I asked.

She sat back down on the sofa and I let myself curl up on the carpet.

"Probably Denali, that's in Alaska."

"Why?"

"Oh, that's where Tanya's family lives. You know the_ other_ family."

"What will you do while you're gone?"

She sighed, yet again, "Probably go look up my history. Since your occurrence with James I've been dying to know more."

I nodded in agreement and finally I knew I could put it off no longer. I sat up and hugged her.

My eyes filled with tears, "Goodbye… Alice" I chocked.

"Bye Bella." She whispered back.

"Love you."

"Love you too." She almost smiled. And I ran my hand back over her cheek and her dark amber eyes froze looking directly into mine. I regretted the moment when she instantly froze again.

I knew Alice would tell Jasper, but I also knew he would not tell Emmett and Rosalie if Alice didn't permit him too. Knowing, Alice she wouldn't.

I made my way back up the stair silently saying goodbye to the rest. I leapt back up on the cool metal of the hospital table and stared into Edwards's eyes. Suddenly I remembered one more thing I needed before he left.

I brushed my fingertips against his cheek biting my lip and his frame too shuddered and he became alive.


	8. Chapter 8

Edwards's eyes blinked and he shook his head as if to clear the confusion physically.

"Edward," I whispered my voice swollen from the tears. "I…I can't let you go…"

Edward frowned. "Bella we talked about this just a moment ago. I have to go."

"What will happen when Victoria comes after me and no one is here to save me?" I challenged, "What then?"

"I will not let her find you," Edward countered, his voice monotone from the repetitiveness.

I grunted, annoyed. "So you're just going to pick up and leave when, who knows, I could die again?"

"You w—"

I cut him off, "Ahh but you forget even before I met you I was a walking time bomb. Sooner or later you won't be there to save me from something as easily and common as Tyler's van."

He frowned again.

"See." I smiled. "Even without you, Edward, I will die — soon. And even if it's not by Victoria, it will be by some freak accident. If you leave, I have no hope of being saved."

Edward opened his mouth once, trying to defend his argument, but then he realized he had nothing to go on. We sat there in an eerie silence, since there was no time there was no one else to make noise.

I sighed breaking the silence, "Are you going to stay?"

Edwards face looked torn, "I _want_ to, but Bella I _need_ to go."

I looked deep into Edwards's eyes, "Did you ever consider what I needed?"

He seemed taken by surprise at my statement and a growl escaped his lips, "I am only thinking of you."

"Really? Then did you consider what I need is you? It is not a want Edward; far from it. I _need _you here. I _need_ you with me."

His expression was as though he was dunked in ice water. I could see pain trickle through his eyes.

"I…I_ can't_ Bella."

I reached out to cradle his face with my palm and I felt his coldness draw away from my heat.

"I need you." I murmured to him.

He looked at me deeply full of regret. "I'm sorry." He leaned over and kissed my forehead and I brushed my hand across his cheek causing him to freeze mid kiss.

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I felt a cold gush of air and something hard hit my ribs. All the air whooshed out of my lungs and I could hear something snapping with a sickening crunch and a high pitched squeal like stream bursting from a kettle. The noises blared through my ears, echoing deep into my head.

My eyes snapped open and I gasped for the air that would not come. I was like a fish out of water, my mouth gasped. This was the same thing I had felt in the forest just outside my house; only somehow it was worse. I could barely make out Edward's blurred shape.

Just like time, one minuet he was there, and the next, poof—gone.

My eyes closed. I could still smell Edwards scent lingering in the air. It was almost like I could still feel his cold lips pressed against my cheek. But I knew he just wasn't there anymore. That hurt the most.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I could hear myself gasp just like a fish out of water. In the next moment Alice flashed in front of me, her lovely pixie face was that of pure horror.

"Bella, No!" Alice shook my arms. "Breathe Bella!"

I tried to obey her but how could I when my heart was gone? In a sense Edward was my only reason for living. So how then could I live without a heart? I was no tin man.

"'C'mon Bella!" Alice begged and I could see worry in her eyes.

I gasped as I felt my lungs spaz. "Alice," I wheezed. "H-he's gone..."

"Bella," Alice grasped me in a tight hug and smoothed my hair with her hands.

"Esme," Alice called.

Esme flashed in front of me taking Alice's place. "Yes Alice?"

"Jazz and I are going after Edward. Get Bella back to Charlie's."

Esme nodded in agreement and resumed petting my back in soothing strokes like she had before. By now the sobs could only be muffled by Esme's body. I cried for my lost heart; I knew I was just any ordinary human in comparison to god-like Edward. I cried for the pain I was causing my torn up family. They lost a son because of me and Edward was like the mayo in a sandwich, he kept everything from falling apart. Now that the mayo was gone, everything would be lost. Everything destroyed because of me.

"I'm sorry Esme," I blubbered into her rock hard skin. "I'm sorry."

"Its okay Bella none of us blame you." Esme consoled me.

"I blame me." I blurted out, "You lost a son before and now again. The only exception is that he is choosing because of me."

Esme looked into my eyes for a long time watching the tears fall down, "Your a daughter to me Bella I love you as I do all of my children and it would hurt equally as bad to leave you."

I sighed. I knew I couldn't make Esme stay. I would not be able to look her in the eye without losing it. She was my mom in every sense of the world but as a famous sane once said,

"If you love someone,

Set then free,

And if they love you too,

They will always come back to you."

I had to let Esme go and help get Edward back despite the screaming voice in my head telling me not to.

"Esme," I whispered, "Go with Carlisle to find Edward and I'll go home."

Esme eyed me like she was contemplating whether I was actually insane or not.

"I'm fine." I lied but my voice was hoarse so I knew she wouldn't be able to detect anything.

Esme eyed me again before she headed for the door. I slipped off of the metal table and made my way to Alice's room to get some clothes before heading home.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Another Chapterrr (: Hehehe Enjoy.**

Fear shot through me. I whipped my head around to see Victoria's wicked face, just as I remembered it in my nightmares, thirsty and devious. Her fire red hair billowed out in a strangely terrifyingly beautiful way. Screams ripped from my throat. That only made Victoria smile wider at me, showing all of her teeth.

I tried to break free from her immortal strength, knowing as I did that the movement was pointless. She yanked my body closer to hers.

"Trying to run are we?" She growled into my ear.

I gulped, my throat had gone dry and I prayed Edward would find me. I remembered Alice would have seen Victoria attack…wouldn't she? Part of me feared she wouldn't.

Victoria's nails stroked my neck. "He's going to regret never getting to taste this." She inhaled, pressing her cold nose to the skin of my neck. I shivered, but it was a different shiver then the ones Edward induced. This shiver was a shiver of pure terror.

I felt her lips brush the skin of my neck and she inhaled deeply savoring the flavor.

"Alice!" I screamed loudly, "ALICEEEEE!"

I knew Alice would not be able to hear me but I hoped and prayed that maybe her vision would work if I called her. Victoria knew of Alice from what I could guess. She clamped her hand roughly against my lips silencing me.

"You stupid human!" She laughed, mocking me, "Alice is far away from here. There is no one—NO ONE IS LEFT TO SAVE YOU!"

No! I struggled against her hand refusing to give into her. I would fight with everything I had in me! I could not leave Edward!

Victoria stuck out one of my arms letting her nose skim the top of it. She looked me in the eye as she grasped it. Pain shot through me as I hear a sickening _Crunchhhh_ come from my arm.

Frantically, I tried to gasp but Victoria's hand kept me from doing so since she blocked off both of my passage ways for air. My heart sped in my chest as I realized I would never see Edward again… Hell I'd never see any of them. Ever.

My heart squeezed painfully and I felt hot tears sting in my eyes. I'd lose all of them. Everyone I loved would lose me. In turn I would lose them too. I'd never smell Edward's sweet scent or see Esme's warm smile. The tears trailed down my cheeks making my face feel hot.

Victoria hadn't finished with her fun yet and knelt down slowly inhaling the scent as she went. It wasn't long before she came to my right leg. She grasped it too tightly and pushed it to the side causing my knee cap to turn inwards. I gasped in pain. I bit my lip furiously trying to muffle the screams threatening to escape.

I would not give in to Victoria. If nothing, my death would not be in her satisfaction. She let her nose skim back up to where it ran the thickest—my neck. I could feel her losing her control. She leaned down and I heard a low growl.

Death was coming at me fast. I could feel its overbearing presence in the air around me. I felt like the time, not all too long ago, that Edward tried to leave me. Only, this time, it was much more distinct._ Edward, _I thought, _Oh Edward I love you so. I'm so sorry; I'm going to lose this battle. _

Victoria leaned in closer and my heart sped in my chest. I was going to die… the full force of it finally hit me.

I was really going to die. Victoria spread her lips and I felt her teeth lightly graze the skin of my neck. I gulped waiting for the pain. She tensed there, teasing me. It felt like forever before I finally felt her sharp teeth rip the skin of my neck and I felt a sharp sucking pressure.

I screamed louder then I had before, "EDWARD!" I bellowed, "EDWARDDDD!"

My screams seemed to echo through the silent house. I could feel the sucking pressure increase and I felt myself becoming limp. I knew from what Edward had taught me that the animal dies quickly and normally they will pass out before hand, losing consciousness just before death. Despite my reluctance in accepting death, I was grateful for the last part. I wouldn't feel pain when I went. And that realization made me a little more accepting of my fate.

I could feel my body growing limper and I felt the blood drain from me in vast amounts. My eye lids drooped and I felt drowsiness set in. I fought to keep my eyes open determined to keep myself alive by force. But I quickly found myself surrounded by darkness. I could still hear and I found that a little odd.

A loud growl echoed through the darkness and I felt the pressure release from my neck. There was a high pitched squealing sound and I distinctly heard a muted thud somewhere far off in the distance.

It was a moment before I heard a voice, "Edward," the voice spoke quickly and I had to strain my ears to catch the rest, "Quick grab Bella and help me get her to the hospital! Carlisle will meet us there but you have to run, I'm afraid."

I felt cold arms gently wrap around my body and I fought against the darkness to see Edward. He was really here?! My heart jumped in my chest at the thought— but I'm talking metaphorically— since my heart was nearing a complete stand-still.

My heart faded into the wind that flew past my body. I could still feel its bitter bite against my cheeks. I whimpered when I felt a pressure against my bad leg. Edward tensed and I felt the wind stop for a mere second before begging again, faster this time. With the wind whipping, I fought to even gasp for the air. It felt like the air was being sucked out of my frail body.

Part of me knew that if I continued to fight against the darkness, even for a bit longer, I would make it. But my body felt weak, I could barely find the energy in me. Hating myself, I gave into the overwhelming darkness and I could feel my body being forced down by a weight. Air rushed out of my body before I could even attempt to get it back.

_Edward_, I thought as the darkness neared in, _I will always love you, even when I'm not there to tell you. You will always have my heart. Goodbye, my only love._

My heart gave one last final lurch into my chest before I felt the darkness swallow me whole.

Edward.

Bella's body was limp in my arms. I could hear her heart labor to keep pumping the blood or lack thereof. Victoria was finally dead, finally, but I never realized the cost it would take. My Bella was dying in my arms. My mind flashed back to last spring break when all of this had begun. James tried to harm my Bella and I successfully destroyed him. The cost then was still high, but I had made it in time to save her. I noticed a pattern that just occurred to me.

Both times this happened; I was not there with Bella to protect her. If I were human I would be drenched in tears. My poor Bella what have I done to you?

My legs pumped fast against the ground brining us closer to Carlisle. I needed to save Bella so I could tell her how I loved her. This time I would not leave her. I sighed as I realized leaving her had done neither of us any good.

One, it caused me to leave Bella. That in itself was a big mistake.

Two, it caused Bella to stay behind, completely unprotected, yet another fatal mistake.

And three, my Bella would die if I couldn't save her. And worse yet, this was all my mistake, because I was stubborn enough to try to save her by leaving her. I shook my head. There was just no saving Bella. She was ultimately a danger magnet and until she was a vampire then there would be no saving her…unless. Unless I was there to save her from all the times she, unknowingly, put herself in harms way.

I played with the idea in my head as I nearly flew to the hospital. Yes, I was putting Bella in harms way just by being with her, but then again wouldn't she always be in harms way without me there? Would there not be other vampires who could too stumble on by hunting and smell Bella's delicious scent?

I frowned, realizing that either way Bella was in harms way. Well I surely couldn't even fathom the idea of leaving her, even after this. It only further proved her point and crushed my will against her. I loved her enough to protect her and that would have to be enough. _She needed me_; that was most significant.

I slowed to a hasty jog for a human as I neared the hospital and stormed through the doors. I knew by now Bella was, if anything, seconds from death. Her heart thumped lightly in her chest and by its pattern she was worse of then when I had found her.

Eagerly I found Carlisle in the hallway he had already prepared a bag of blood and Bella's bed. I nodded to him and placed Bella gently on the cot. I leaned down and brushed a cool kiss to her forehead before Carlisle and I wheeled her away.

**Author's Note: hahaha ohh another cliffy. (: I'm evil.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors note: Are you as excited for this chapter as I am? You're in for a major suprise!!! Eeekk!! **

It had been a week since Edward left me. 170 hours 3 minuets and 10 seconds since I had last seen his face. Alice had promised me she would be back within a week to a month. It suddenly hit me that she may actually be a month.

My heart squeezed at the thought of a month of being Edward-less. I hated being Edward-less for another minuet let alone a month.

My presents from my birthday were missing along with all pictures that I had taken. He was serious. I looked up from my ceiling to the window Edward used to sneak through. Used to. I shuddered.

"Used to" was past tense and I wanted more then anything for it to be present tense. I could already feel my brain forgetting small things. Little details were disappearing—ones that made Edward more memorable and drop dead gorgeous. In my mind it was like some stone statue was eroding away faster and faster.

The physical need to remember was killing me. I needed to remember. I needed to feel his presence. Hopping off my bed I bolted for the door practically falling down the steps.

"Bella?" Charlie called before I could reach the door.

Crap I'd forgotten about him.

"Hey dad I'm going to visit...Jake." I lied smoothly.

"Alright Bells." Charlie dismissed me without a second thought.

My truck roared to life and I took an all too familiar winding serpent-like path. It wasn't long before the huge house came into view. I sighed already a little relieved.

Despite the sigh my stomach couldn't help but churn. They were gone... Edward, Alice, Jasper, everyone-gone.

I was a little surprised when the handle to the house gave way under my hand. Who needs to lock doors when you're a vampire? Besides, Alice would love any excuse to shop for new clothes.

The house felt dead to me. Which, I guess sounded a bit ironic since vampires were supposedly undead. But to me their energy is what made this house special to me. It was sort of like asking for a sandwich without bread—pointless and stupid.

As I made my way up the stairs I heard a floorboard creak and I froze... Where they home already? Wouldn't Alice have came for me?

"Alice?" I called out.

No one replied. I brushed away the thoughts figuring it was probably just me and I continued to climb the stairs impatiently. I needed to smell Edward. I needed physical evidence that he existed.

I walked down the long stretch of hallway; agitated to be near him, even if it was just his scent. The door, which lead to what I was sure would be Edwards's room, was creaked open. So all I had to do was pull it back.

It was marvelous. Edward's scent still hung to every surface. It masked in its glory. But as I sniffed I realized it was like watered down wine—there but not as same as the real thing. My eye caught the sight of Edwards's closet. I smiled.

The closet had a small pile of dirty clothes that lay scattered around the floor. I assumed he had planned to throw them away. Knowing Alice she never let anyone, including me, wear the same thing twice.

I picked up a shirt I recognized from before. It was a smooth cotton blue long-sleeve tee. I gingerly held it to my nose inhaling deeply. Edwards scent filled my nose and I let out a long sigh. That masked the need for Edward slightly but didn't completely get rid of it. I laughed out loud when I realized this was probably how newborns felt with bloodlust. They would never be exactly satisfied.

Being the physco I now was, I grabbed the rest of the dirty clothes and put them into my purse.

Edwards's room felt so...empty without him here. It was like a world with no sun; impossible to imagine.

I let the view soak into my feeble human memory and turned on my heel to leave. Something out of the corner of my eye caught my interest. A small leather bound book held by a bronze clasp lay by Edwards couch. Intrigued I stepped closer only to pick it up and start flipping thought the pages. Horrified I set it back down. It was Edwards's diary. I contemplated how pissed he be with me if I took it — Very pissed.

I smiled as I realized he would want it back. Eagerly I shoved the book into my purse along with his clothes before I set back off down the long hallway.

This time I was sure I wasn't hallucinating when I heard a creak emanate from downstairs. I froze my body tense.

Before my mind could comprehend who it was, a pair of hard cold hands gripped my arm.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: I know this is sort of going out of order but in order for the story to make sense… I needed to add this chapter (: **

Edward.

My body pushed me faster away from my house, my family, and worse of all—my Bella.

I felt sick to the core. Nothing in my life had ever hurt as much as leaving Bella had. Losing her, just now, had practically killed me. Although, I was going against my word, I knew I couldn't leave her. I could keep a safe distance. Just stay far enough away from her so I knew she was okay but so that she was unaware of my presence. Bella would always be safe, at the very least from me, but from anything else that threatened her life. When I had seen when she had moved on, I would leave her alone but I would always be lurking in the shadows, waiting for any sign of danger in her life.

Racing through the familiar woods near Bella's house I could hear Alice's mental protest not 5 miles away. I sighed as her thoughts filled my head.

_Edward you're being completely stupid. Bella will never survive without you. _

Alice flashed me mental images of Bella in a coma, Bella being struck by a bus, and various other scenarios. I cringed as each vision carved into my eternal memory. 

However, I was determined not to let Alice's thoughts get to me and I blocked them making myself run faster away from her. It wasn't long before I found myself in Bella's backyard. Alice caught up to me in what seemed like seconds.

_What are you doing?_

"Alice!" I hissed at her. "Go to Denali with everyone else!"

_You're completely absurd._

This was true. In her eyes I could see that she knew I wouldn't last more then a month. 

"Alice!" I hissed again.

She rolled her eyes at me, _men… typical. _With that, she grabbed Jaspers hand and flew off into the forest.

Thankfully now I was alone to think. My heart, if I had one, would be in shreds by now. I could feel nausea sweeping over me and I wondered if vampires could actually get sick. It felt like I would.

Moments later the light in Bella's room flicked on, causing a streak of blinding light through the darkness. I sighed as I saw her finally appear in her bedroom. Before I could comprehend what I was doing, I found myself at the tree outside Bella's window. She was curled up on her bed, her knees tucked safely into her chest. Sobs burst from her and I could see the tears roll down her smooth cheeks. My hand ached to brush them away but I held myself still. I could not let her know of my presence.

Bella laid there still wrapped up into a ball crying until unconsciousness took her. My mind kept tabs on how long she had been crying—five hours. I shuddered, sick with myself. Desperately, I pressed my hand against the window begging that I could touch her. I felt a few drops of water hit my head in a steady pattern. Seconds later I was drenched in what was possibly the worst rainstorm Fork's could have seen in years. Curiously I looked up at the black sky but there was no moon or stars. I only found darkness. I looked back at Bella and I knew it was silly but it felt like the sky was crying for me. Each raindrop was a piece of my heart Bella had taken from me. When new raindrops feel, it took another part of my heart too until I was left empty, hollowed out with nothing left.

Dawn appeared and the rain faded along with it. The sky was its normal clouded grey, but something in the new mornings wake made me feel dead. I peeked into Bella's window, still gripping the tree lightly. Her clock read 5:50. Damn. Bella would be getting up soon. Reluctantly, I let go of the tree letting myself lightly land on the ground before running into the opening of the trees. This was one instance where being a vampire came in handy—we could hear anything.

Bella yawned and I heard a faint pop of her bones as she stretched. She got up and moved closer to the window, peeking out into the clouded sky. I could see her eyes gaze unfathomably at it before I saw a tear well up in her eye and fall down. She shook her head and whipped away the tear. When Bella wiped away that tear, that small action—well, it took everything in me not to go and burst into her room and wipe it away myself.

_Oh my Bella what have I done to you?_ I thought sadly. I heard the shower start and the rustle of fabric before I heard Bella step into the loud pitter patter of the droplets against the tub.

I waited for Bella to finish before I realized she was taking a long time. I worried that she had drown herself in the water before I heard her crying softly.

I couldn't take it anymore. Not allowing myself to hear anymore I ran away from Bella, yet again, making my body push my farther into the abyss of the trees. Moments later I found a group of small elk. I attacked them without any enthusiasm and quickly drained their blood. Discarding their corpses, I found the dry ache in my throat still wasn't completely satisfied. I knew I would have time before Bella would be going to school so I stalked forward. A few minuets later, I found a small deer by a creek. She drank the water slowly and I hid behind a tree not breathing. Her big brown doe eyes were wide as she looked around frighten for the intruder she thought she had heard.

I sank into a crouch, ready to pounce the moment I knew she would least expect it. But something stopped me. Something in those large brown innocent eyes reminded me of Bella. Her small frame was delicate and she held an innocent beauty to her.

I sighed taking myself out of my crouch and standing still. She had heard my breath and I watched her take off, her frightened thoughts raced through my head and I felt myself growing sick. She had ran away frightened from what I was, afraid, I would hurt her.

_Just like Bella_, I thought.

Quickly I ran to the small parking lot of Fork's High School. Hidden in the small forest that surrounded the school, I arrived just in time to see Bella struggle to get out of her rusty Chevy. My heart ached and screamed at me. "_HELP HER YOU IDIOT!" _it yelled_. _My brain, however said something different, "_No. Don't she's better off this way." _

I took such a long time with my internal debate that Bella had already popped out of her car and slung her back pack onto her shoulder. I saw her head duck down trying to hide her face from the world. Her eyes kept glued down to the ground but I knew she wasn't looking at anything. What I saw when I looked into her eyes frightened me. They were hollowed out, all hope and joy had been drained from them. For a moment I lost all coherent thought and just stared into her eyes before I darted off quickly so she wouldn't notice my presence. I ran a bit farther so I could still see her but she couldn't see me. It was sort of like a one way mirror cops used when they interrogated victims.

I waited until I could no longer see Bella before I began doing what I did daily, running through people's thoughts. It was a moment before I heard her name pop up.

"_Boy Bella looks a bit down today. I wonder what's troubling her. Maybe I should go cheer her up." _ Angela Weber thought. I always admired her kind mind. She never said a bad thing about anyone.

_"Bella looks hootttttt. Maybe now that Cullen's gone she'll talk to me. Fair game is fair game right?" _My fist curled up when I realized what that vile Mike Newton was thinking. It took nearly everything in me not to go run in through the school doors and rip his head off.

I took a deep unnecessary breath, claming myself before I began the search again.

The day passed quickly and I stayed in the shadows before I followed Bella's truck back home. She got out and almost fell before she quickly grabbed the side of her door, steadying herself. For the third time today I had to stop myself from running over and helping her.

That night followed much like the night before. She cried herself asleep before eventually passing out from exhaustion. I found myself again hanging on the nearby tree watching her sleep. Normally Bella would talk in her sleep expect tonight she seemed to be screaming loudly. I felt my eyes widen in fear. Was she okay? Was she having a nightmare?

"Edwardddddd!" Bella screamed loudly. Her body shook with spasms and I saw tears quickly escape from under her eye lids. She rolled over and muffled her cries into her pillow.

"Edward nooo!" Bella screeched again. I saw her hands claw at the sheets like she was trying to claw at something.

I heard Charlie's footsteps near Bella's room quickly. I jumped down from the tree and ran back under the cover of the trees before I saw the light click on in Bella's room.

"Bella?" Charlie shook Bella's body worriedly. It took a moment before I saw Bella, from Charlie's eyes, wake. "_She was screaming so loudly. What did that jerk do to her? She's broken."_

I shuddered before I heard Bella's sleepy reply, "Sorry dad. I didn't realize I was screaming."

Charlie gave a grunt, "Bell's are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Charlie didn't buy it, "Are you sure?"

"Yea dad, it was a nightmare." I could sense Charlie could tell Bella was lying but he let it drop and quickly exited Bella's room.

I heard Bella sigh and she rolled back over and I heard a thud and she covered her head with a pillow.

The nights followed and each night I would watch in horror as Bella would frantically claw at the sheets her body shaking with tears and screaming. And each night Charlie would appear in Bella's room and wake her up and Bella would cry herself to sleep again repeating the routine.

About a week later I saw Renee appear and I knew Charlie had called her due to Bella's nightmares. They ran into Bella's room and started throwing her clothes into her suitcase, planning on dragging Bella back to Florida with Renee and Phil. Bella walked in on them and saw what they were doing. I had never seen Bella so livid in my life.

"YOU CANNOT MAKE ME LEAVE!" Bella's voice pierced my ears.

Charlie grunted, "Bella your not sleeping… your not getting better honey maybe it's for the"—

"DO NOT SAY ITS FOR THE BEST," Bella yelled and I heard a thud.

"Bella"— Renee began trying to calm her down.

Bella just broke down, her sobs echoed in my ears. Finally Renee came to her senses and let Bella stay with Charlie.

That night Bella cried herself to sleep but when she started to scream, I couldn't take it anymore. I gently lifted the window, silently thanking myself for the oil I had put in a while back, and slid into Bella's room. Her room, although it had never been what you could call tidy, was messier then usual.

I let myself curl up by Bella's side, and for once, the aching in my chest had stopped.

**Author's Note: Maybe another chapter in EPOV? Tell me what you think (; **


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